In the fall of 2008, my daughter asked my wife and I if she could play soccer. Having played soccer myself growing up, I was excited that she was interested. Besides, this would be her first “team sport.” We signed her up for Spring soccer. The Commissioner is a friend and neighbor, so I told him if he needed help, I would help out in any way I could. Little did I know that one week later, he would ask me to coach one of the teams.
My own father, who I idolize, was my first soccer coach, so I figure this is a great opportunity to be like Dad. My co-coach was coaxed into helping, even though she also was coaching softball for one of her other kids. Needless to say, I really took this on myself. The first communications were via email, explaining what was happening, who the coaches are, and the famous “I look forward to a great season.” One that first day, I figure I will run them through a few drills to assess their playing level, determine my team’s strengths, and then build a strategy for play when we have our first game after only two practices.
When they all arrived for that first practice, I was very upbeat and excited. We did our drills and I determined that our biggest strength is that they were all adorable – but we will have to work on soccer skills and find some competitive fire. This was confirmed in our first game, when we played the best team in the league. I can still remember blowing the whistle to start the game and about 10 seconds later pulling the ball out of our goal. New coach, new team, and I am unsure how we were going to get better. The final score was 16-0, but the main reason it was that close is because the other team set up barriers on themselves for how they could score (must pass the ball to a teammate at least three times).
I was devastated and really beating myself up. What did I do wrong? Why did my girls not play better? How were we going to improve? Will the girls come back for practice? What will their parents think? I sat down that night and wrote a long email to the Commissioner asking for help and seeing if he could find a real coach. I let my wife read it. She asked me to not send it until I thought about it more. I said I would wait until after the next practice. It came. All 12 girls came to practice and all 12 girls said they had a great time at the game. I even had a number of parents congratulate me on a job well done – they really saw their kid get better as the game progressed. What? We got killed? We were the worst team on the field that day! I was ready to strangle myself! You know what happened? My team’s biggest strength become our mantra for the rest of the season for me. I never said it aloud, but my goal for the rest of the season is to teach them fundamentals of soccer while being the most adorable team on the field.
Our warm up were to kick me with a soccer ball. They would kick it and laugh. They would spin in circles like the jewelry box dancers. They would smile. We would get out on the field and we would do our best. I never sent that email. We did not win a single game that Spring, but we had a blast. 8 of the 12 girls played in the Fall, and I was able to keep 4 of them on my fall team. The other 4 did not play because of other commitments, but said they would return in the Spring.
What did I learn? More than any training program could accomplish:
I learned that every team must build from its strengths, no matter what the strengths are. We had a wining soccer season because my girls learned and they had fun, and they were the most adorable team on the field – which they embraced.
I learned that communicating by every means possible is critical. As the coach, I spent the time to meet and discuss with each parent their own daughter’s uniqueness. Talking as a team is powerful, but talking individually after the “team talks” made our season extremely successful despite the record.
I learned that it really it not whether you win or loose, but how you play the game. We participated, had fun and learned. My goal was to improve throughout the season and get as many of them to sign up in the fall as possible. Mission accomplished.
I learned it is not fair to expect your novice players to be competitive with a team who has been together for a year – but it gives you a good place to set the bar and learn from them. We played that same team for our last game of the year. Guess what? We only lost to them 6-2. I would say we became a competitive team with time.
I learned to not give up to soon and that you can be your worst critic. What would have happened if I sent that email? I may have lost the momentum because I was trying to unfairly compare us to the best.
My fall team had 4 from my previous, but we had some great players and kids who will likely be playing in college if they continue. I recruited a co-coach who is awesome, and our fall team will remain together for the spring. All 12 girls will be returning. I am having fun and learning so much about leadership from a bunch of 2nd graders.
PS: My daughter scored 1 goal in the Spring and 7 goals in the Fall – SHE ROCKS!!
